There comes a time in our lives when we’re faced with the harsh reality that the relationship we’ve put a ton of time and effort into is simply not working. We’ve all been there. And if you haven’t, you should probably either play the lotto or brace yourself…

A break up is probably one of the hardest things to deal with in life. Even if you were the one brave enough to make the move. The hardest part about a break up is having to admit the relationship is really over. Admitting a relationship has failed feels as though we’re admitting we failed. And who wants to feel like a failure? So what do we do? We strive to keep things going. We desperately want to make things work so we insist on dragging it on. Come on! At some point we just have to come to terms with the fact that… it’s OVER. (It was probably over years ago.)

When you’re in the middle of chaos, it’s hard to see clearly but here are signs that indicate you definitely need to get off the pot…soon:

•  You constantly argue – about stupid things like leaving hair in the shower or who forgot to replace the bag in the garbage can. The truth is, it’s not about the hair or the bag and…you know it. There are serious, DEEP issues you are not discussing. Deep rooted issues manifest themselves into nitpicking of dumb things. It’s a way of lashing out.

• You can’t stand the sight of this person - you roll your eyes when they walk in the room. Everything about them annoys you… The way they chew. The way the walk. The way they talk. And your facial expressions can’t really hide it.

• You insult each others characters – it’s one thing to argue about things but when you start attacking each others characters and personalities it’s a sign of complete disrespect. Disrespect in a relationship is a kiss of death. There’s no going back. Clearly you don’t like each other anymore. You don’t like who this person is anymore and there’s no real way to fix that.

• You argue in public – you no longer care who’s watching.  You belittle each other in front of other people (ugh). Another sign of how little respect you have for each other. (It’s over).

• You wonder what life would be like with someone else – whether it’s someone you know or someone you just made up in your head that promises a happier life full of love, passion, excitement, and fun.

• Cheating is involved – you’re off fulfilling your fantasies, desires, and needs with someone else. Something is seriously lacking in your relationship. If you can’t seem to fix it (and you’ve tried) it’s time to get moving.

• Violence is involved – that is, things are getting thrown, threats are being made with weapons (knives, guns) and fists. Slapping and even shaking is physical violence, too – it’s all the same. There’s no going back from this. Once this starts, it will never stop. In fact, it will only escalate. Especially when alcohol is involved. P.S. Yes, women are guilty of being physically violent, too. You don’t get a pass for being a woman.

• You never smile anymore – you drag your body, you sleep more, you’re depressed.

• You drink to escape reality – if you feel you need to escape from real life with your partner, what’s the point of staying? It’s time to go. Go find a happier life you can enjoy sober.

Life is too short to not enjoy it fully. No one has the right to ruin your life and you can’t give anyone the power to negatively influence YOUR life. It definitely takes strength to get up and walk away – without question – but one day when the clouds have passed you’ll look back at the storm and realize it was all worth the very temporary pain.

P.S. Don’t try to make this work later. You can’t glue back shattered pieces. The fact is, it’s already broken. 

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